In “Mattie, Milo, and Me: A Memoir”, Anne Abel opens the door to her life, weaving a poignant narrative that delves into the depths of love, loss, and self-discovery. With grace and vulnerability, Abel unfolds a compelling memoir that captures the intricacies of human relationships and the profound impact of pivotal life moments. This literary journey traverses the spectrum of emotions, from the warmth of laughter to the ache of loss, as Abel reflects on the transformative power of familial bonds. Through her nuanced storytelling, readers are invited to share in the author’s intimate reflections, creating a tapestry of experiences that resonate universally. “Mattie, Milo, and Me” stands as a testament to Abel’s storytelling prowess, offering readers a captivating and emotionally resonant exploration of life’s profound moments.
Were there moments when you questioned your decision to keep Milo, especially after discovering his aggressive behavior?
One of the most difficult moments was the time Milo dragged me onto my belly in front of a moving school bus that screeched to a stop an arm’s length away from me. When I picked myself up and got us back to the sidewalk, I screamed with all my might, “Milo, I hate you. I am taking you back to the rescue.” When I pictured myself putting unsuspecting Milo in the car and driving the ten easy miles to the rescue, I imagined him lying alone and forlorn on a bed of rags in his cage, and I knew I could never do that. And, right then and there, I resigned myself to 15-years of servitude. There were moments when perhaps I should have questioned my decision to keep Milo, such as the times he bit my children and I had to cover up for him with the pediatrician. But, instead of returning him, I committed to intense training with him.
How did you navigate the challenges of raising a potentially dangerous dog?
Once I realized that Milo was dangerous, I knew I needed help. I immediately signed up for dog school. But, when we went for our intake interview the woman told me he had already been returned by three families in his 18-month life and if I didn’t return him, I would regret it for the rest of his life. I immediately went to a dog whispering acquaintance – the woman who had put me in touch with the rescue the day after Mattie died – and she evaluated him. She said he was an aggressive, out-of-control dog, but she thought he might be salvageable with a lot of work on my part. She pointed out that I needed the help of someone who had high-level expertise. She sent the owner of the dog school, Mary, to our house to meet Milo and our family. After spending a couple of hours with us, Mary agreed that Milo might be salvageable if I was willing to commit myself to rehabilitating him. She told us to show up to dog school in two weeks. When we got there, Mary put Milo and me in a separate room, sequestering us from the other dogs. If I had known then that it would take months of training in classes and in the wild to bring Milo under control, I would have been in despair. Instead, I just focused on each day, each class, and each task Milo and I were working on. Milo was a fast learner. When we were eventually allowed into the classroom he became the star pupil which made it more fun for both of us, than being alone in a room, just the two of us. Eventually, I realized that managing Milo was a lifelong commitment to his rehabilitation, requiring daily commitment of time and energy, not to mention an hour each morning in the woods, 365 days a year, regardless of the weather and 30 minutes at a dog park in the afternoon.
How did your relationship with Milo impact your role as a mother to your sons? In what ways did it strengthen your family bonds or present challenges?
When Milo came into our family my oldest son was in college and my other sons were in middle and high school. So, Milo didn’t impact our relationships. He neither weakened or strengthened our family bonds. My three sons had always been well-behaved and high-achieving. When Milo joined the family, he was our first “bad boy” and he had a history of failures with other families. Over time, with our family, he also became a high-achieving mostly good boy. Or at least a boy who most of the time was willing to try to be good. He became a source of enjoyment for us. He also filled up the spot vacated by Mattie. When the boys came home from school or to visit, instead of an empty spot, they had a new family member to love. Even as he became more socialized he had such a spirit of adventure that he often left our family laughing together and we bonded through that laughter.
The book takes the reader through various phases of Milo’s rehabilitation. What were the most significant lessons you learned about yourself and your capacity to love during this process?
Learning to trust Milo was one of the most difficult lessons. I didn’t know when to trust him and when not to trust him. This required trust in him and trust in Mary, the teacher’s expertise in guiding me in his rehabilitation. When I took him out in public, often a crowded public, for socialization exercises, I needed to trust that he wouldn’t attack people.
Socializing Milo also required trust in myself that for the first time in my life I could be the alpha, the dominant leader that Mary said Milo needed in order to be socialized. A lesson I learned was that I don’t really have any alpha in me. Any alpha I might have had was crushed by my parents. Milo knew I wasn’t really the alpha, but most of the time – not always – he humored me, willing to play along.
I also learned that dogs, like people, have individual differences. Mattie taught our family how to do a family hug by corralling us into a circle and then jumping up and down every time we called, “Family hug,” and wrapped our arms around each other. Mattie taught me that a dog can bring love and joy. Before Mattie, I believed that having a dog would be a lot of work. And, actually Mattie was very little, if any work. But, what Mattie really taught me was how much love and joy could come from a dog.
I learned a different kind of lesson from Milo. I learned that even if you don’t like a creature, you can bond with him by working as a team toward a goal, which in this case was socializing Milo. As we worked together, often in intense situations, and as I came to sense what every twitch of one of his muscles meant, I found myself falling in love with him. We came to know each other so well. We were integral parts of each other’s days, almost always together. The two of us inhabited our own world in many instances during the days and weeks and months.
We went everywhere together. When we were in the woods, where I hated to be, when I saw him bound past me on the path, as he went from one side of the woods to the other, I filled with joy, seeing him be the athletic, energetic hunter he wanted and needed to be. I had read about empathetic joy, but now I was experiencing it with Milo in the woods.
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